


Questioning

by orphan_account



Series: trans & queer themes [1]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Aromantic, Asexual, Bisexual, Other, Questioning, biromantic, glitched and only published half but I fixed it, qpr
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-04
Updated: 2016-12-04
Packaged: 2018-09-06 11:48:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8749549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Dan and Phil help figure each other out.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I fucking love LGBT+ headcanons

Dan knows there's something wrong by the time he's fourteen.

He's at a sleepover with several other boys. At some point they decide to bring out one of their laptops and watch porn: an action driven by their peaking hormonal urges. Dan hesitantly sat on the edge of the group as one of the boys pressed play.

Seconds later, Dan is running to the bathroom. He vomits into the toilet. He can feel tears leaking down his face as he slid down against the wall.

Why can't he be normal?

•§•

Phil is fourteen, too, and trapped inside his brother's romance movies. He can't see anything other than the kissing and the "I love you"s, and it's making him sick.

He feels a throbbing in his head. He grits his teeth and pulls at his hair. What's going on?

"Phil, are you okay?" Martyn says, worried eyes peeking from under a mop of ginger hair.

Phil runs from the room. He can't get the images out of his head.

•§•

Dan's seventeen and at a party when he sees a girl sobbing uncontrollably. Dangling from her shaking hands is a pregnancy test.

Her boyfriend is across the room, and his eyes widen in panic when he sees it.

A list of things that could go wrong runs through Dan's head. HIV, herpes, chlamydia…

Why would you take such a risk for a temporary feeling of pleasure?

•§•

Phil's best friend, who's several years older than him, was married a month ago and is getting an anullment.

She sobs into Phil's shoulder as she recounts the story. Her husband had left her, saying that he regretted making the choice to get married, and leaving her in emotional tatters.

Why would anyone want to put themselves through the heartbreak?

•§•

Dan's first date is with a girl that he's been crushing on for months. She's in one of his law classes and Dan sees her at the café that they both go to right after. The emotional buzz that he gets when he's near her makes him feel elated.

They watch a movie cuddled on the couch, exchanging soft words and gentle touches, when her hands start to wander.

"I want you," she whispers into Dan's lips. He's frozen.

She starts kissing him more deeply. He doesn't like it. She's grinding against Dan's hips and to her it's hot but to Dan it's all wrong and uncomfortable and he doesn't want it. She takes off her shirt and bra and pulls Dan on top of her and Dan can't stand it and he runs away and throws up in the bathroom.

Dan tries to explain to her that he doesn't like sex. She yells at him.

"Why are you such a freak?" she demands. Dan can't answer.

•§•

Phil has found enjoyment in going to clubs and finding people to fuck. Tonight, he's having a one-night stand with a boy with dark, curly hair and coppery skin.

Phil loves the intimacy of sex, the connection he feels to his partners. He loves the idea of making someone feel good.

This time, the boy asks for his number afterwards. Phil hesitantly gives it to him. But that's not all the boy wants. He starts to kiss and cuddle Phil, wrapping his arms around Phil's body. Phil feels like he's suffocating. His head starts throbbing. He lets out a sound of pain.

"What's the matter, baby?" the boy asks and the pain in Phil's head spikes again. He hates those nicknames, hates how stupidly superficial they are.

"I don't like romance," Phil admits, and the boy pushes him away, says that romance is basic nature and that Phil is just a sex-obsessed teen. (Phil is in his twenties, but it doesn't matter to the boy.) The boy asks Phil what's wrong with him. He can't answer.

•§•§•§•

Dan and Phil find each other on the Internet. Short DMs escalate into all-night Skype conversations. Neither boy has told the other about the difficulties they've faced in romance and sex until the day they first meet in person.

They're walking through the mall and talking. Phil asks Dan if he's in a relationship.

"No," Dan sighs. "I was in one, but the girl dumped me after she found out that I don't like sex."

"Oh, so you're asexual?" Phil asked.

Dan looked confused. "What does that mean?"

"Just that you're not interested in sex. Or are, like, disgusted by it."

Realization spreads over Dan's face, blooming like a cherry blossom. He thinks about how he feels about sex. He knows that most people enjoy it and feel a connection of sorts, but he doesn't. He's always thought that there's something wrong with him for that.

"So there are people like me?"

Phil smiles, though it's accompanied with a twinge of sadness. "Absolutely."

That night, Dan scours the Internet, especially Tumblr, for all the information he can find about asexuality.

He sends Phil several screenshots of graphics that people have made to illustrate the concept of the spectrum.

"Romantic and sexual attraction are different, so you can be romantic asexual, or aromantic sexual," Dan says.

"Aromantic sexual? So that means you like sex but not romance?"

"Yeah."

Phil blinks slowly. He has heard of asexuality, of course, but he didn't known that it was possible to be… aromantic.

He has always known that he was repulsed by romance, but… "Um, Dan… how would you define romance?"

"Well, it'd be going on dates and kissing and candlelit dinners and using pet names and wanting to show everyone your lover and, like, calling them your girlfriend or whatever."

"Oh." Phil thinks about how unhappy he has been when he tried dating, the headaches he always gets. He remembers how queasy he felt when people called him pet names and cuddled him.

"I-I think that's me," Phil says softly. "Aromantic bisexual."

"Oh cool," Dan says. Was it just Phil or did Dan look a bit disappointed? "I suppose I'm the opposite then. Biromantic asexual."

"Funny," Phil says. "We make an interesting pair."

Dan smiles a bit. "We sure do."

**Author's Note:**

> UPDATE: So when I published this the first time it cut off and only published the first part. Hopefully it'll work this time


End file.
